What’s positive about a failed marriage, loosing a job, surgery, death of a loved one? They made me feel like a failure, defective goods and an abandoned soul.
On top of that, old thoughts, my old ways of looking at life, only made these events more difficult to handle.
Life sucked!
Thanks to the curious mind with which I was born, I read a lot of self-help books, A LOT! If I was a failure, defective goods and an abandoned soul, I was sure I could fix it. The answer was out there somewhere and I was going to find it! Well, there was an answer, but I found out it wasn’t “out there.” It was inside of me, right between my ears.
THOUGHTS…they are a powerful thing, especially the thoughts you don’t even “think about.”
Don’t give up on me here. Consider this.
If I ask you to think about an event or belief you will be quite conscious of what you are doing. But, how often are we conscious of the thoughts that are running in the background in our brains? They are the same thoughts, day in and day out. They are so common that we forget they are there. They are a habit, and like other habits they have a major impact on our lives. They color the way we look at the world, our lives and our selves.
When I began this “positive thinking thing” I wasn’t so sure my life would really change, but I figured if having a positive attitude would make life easier to swallow it would be worth it. I’d read Pollyanna and knew the basic constructs of turning lemons into lemonade.
The lemonade was the easy part. Changing the looping thoughts in the back of my brain is what’s taken me years to do. And in all honesty it will probably be something I continue to “practice” until I draw my last breath.
Where to begin? First, be aware of your thoughts. If you’re like my husband, and talk to yourself out loud, you’ll be able to hear those thoughts easily, once you decide to listen. If not, go with your feelings. If you’re not feeling comfortable with yourself or wondering why people around you are treating you a certain way, it’s a good bet you’ve been telling yourself stuff that’s not helpful, and probably not even nice.
“If he loved me,….”
Soul translation, “I’m not good enough to love.”
“If I had better genes…”
Soul translation, “I have no power over my health.”
“Life will never be good again now that she’s gone.”
Soul translation, “I have no power over my own happiness.”
“They don’t appreciate all of my hard work.”
Soul translation, “I’ll never be good enough.”
Once you’ve realized the message you’ve been sending yourself decide on the new message you want to send yourself. Think of yourself as a small child that you love and cherish. If you heard that child berating itself what would you tell it? What things do you wish some older, wiser and loving being would say to you when you’re feeling like a failure, defective goods or an abandoned soul? Write those things down!
At first, telling yourself these things may sound funny and you might not even want others to know what you’re doing. Keep going anyway!!!! Every time you have one of those experiences of not being “enough” write down what your child needs to hear. Keep your list some place handy. Read it every morning upon rising and just before you turn off the light. Read the list during the day when you feel stressed and add to it regularly. The first time you find yourself repeating the positive, loving and supportive statements to yourself without reading them, you will know that you have turned the corner on reprogramming your thoughts. Do a happy dance and appreciate yourself! Life is getting better.
