Ever done something stupid and then paid for it? And then continued to pay for it because you couldn’t let go of the self-blame?

For the past month I’ve been carrying a heavy burden. No matter how much sleep I tried to get (my body wasn’t cooperating) and no matter much exercise (my go-to energy booster), or days off from exercise that I tried, I continued to feel like I was dragging a horrendous weight with me.

During this time I’ve been facing some hard decisions. Do I continue down the path as an on-line entrepreneur or just focus on growing my local business? Add more services to my repertoire or cut back to the bear minimum? Focus on the personal or go for “the big picture?” The struggle with these decisions was hard enough before the GUILT set in. I’ve spent A LOT of money to build an on-line presence. I’ve paid for on-line business packages, I’ve flown to an intense on-line sales boot camp, and I’ve created an entire on-line learning program… OMG, I’ve invested SO much in this endeavor!

Then there were the signs I had been avoiding. The intuitive friend who said “grow your massage business and coach your clients with their health needs.” The knots that appeared in the pit of my stomach as I worked to create a “feel the pain” webinar. I wasn’t enjoying life because I let those blogs “I should be posting” hang over my head. And then there was my body screaming, “I don’t like this!!!!”

Back to the “logical,” money-driven me. “But look how much money you’ve spent!

Now there’s a load, carrying these warring factions around inside me, the slave driver saying you HAVE TO and the emotional me saying THIS DOESN’T FEEL GOOD.

I’ve been here before. As my first marriage was falling apart I couldn’t admit that there was nothing I could do to make things better. I couldn’t admit that the person I had chosen hadn’t been the right person. I spent fifteen years hurting myself because I couldn’t admit that I’d taken the wrong road. Oh God, this is so hard. I was sure that lesson had taught me not to let my pride cause me so much pain. Pain and tears…

I’m not sure I’m finished with all of the tears, but I am ready to release the pain and the guilt. This lesson has been an expensive one, but it’s only money. I still have my husband (made the right choice the second time); I still have my home, my friends and a wonderful bunch of local clients. Bottom line, the lesson was expensive, but I’ve learned it, finally.

Moving forward I choose to be the coach who is inspiring, supportive and positive. I look forward to making personal contact with people ready to change their lives. I will blog and post on Facebook, but only things that I think are great, and at times I feel inspired. I may even Tweet from time to time. But most importantly, I’m going to enjoy life again!

I invite you to follow my new, calmer and more balanced life at Georgie Grossman, Health & Lifestyle Coach. Yes, the rebranding was one of those expenses, along with the new website. I do hope you’ll check in every so often to see what’s new, and every so often I’ll drop you a line with things I think are note-worthy.

In the mean time, take care of yourself and enjoy life!