Who are you? What do you value? If you want the answers to these questions, consider those things on which you choose to spend your time and money. Look around you, check your calendar, check your bank account. Where are your time and money going?
Now ask yourself, why do I value these things? The answer to the why is the beginning of the story you tell yourself.
I have had people ask me how I manage to stay thin and healthy. What’s your secret? There is no secret, it’s just the story I tell myself. I am a tall thin woman who is strong. I am healthy and energetic. I am curious about the world, especially different people. I love myself and the world around me. And I am worthy of happiness.
From this story, flow my actions. How does a tall thin woman move? What does a healthy, energetic woman eat? What type of things does a curious person read and do? How does a happy person who likes people interact with others? How do I share the love within me with others?
If my actions aren’t matching my story, then there’s another story running in the background. It took me years to realize that I had an unworthiness story running in my subconscious. My first inkling of this story came to me when I bought my first BMW. I had earned a master’s degree and an administrative certificate. I had a good job and could easily make the payments, but somehow, I felt I shouldn’t have that car. It took a lot of self-reflection and conversations with my husband to realize I didn´t feel like I was good enough to drive a BMW. I had to change the story I was telling myself about what kinds of people drove BMWs and that I was worthy of being one of those people. The best lesson I have ever learned is that I CAN CHANGE THE STORY I TELL MYSELF.
If I’m not liking the life I am living, I can change it by telling myself a new story. Here’s where the real work begins. If I have a choice, who do I want to be? There are so many different options! Daydreaming is really helpful here. I can´t tell you how many times I have fallen asleep, or in some cases, stayed awake way too late, pretending I am living a different story. I see myself doing the new things I want to do. How would I move? How would I feel? How do I like this new story?
Some of the changes in my life have taken a while because I have taken the time to play with many ideas in my head. When we moved from a house with a yard and a garage to a high-rise apartment, I spent months seeing myself in that apartment. I saw myself coming and going. I saw myself taking the dog to the dog yard and picking up my mail from the mailbox. I saw myself walking in the park across the street instead of sitting in my backyard. There were a lot of positive feelings about the new and there was also working through the “ya, buts…” When I had my new story worked out my world fell into place.
I have to tell you right here and now that to have a new story you have to let go of the old one. In my new life, I could no longer walk around my backyard in my jammies. I could not longer grow a garden. And living in the highrise, we had neighbors above us, below us and next to us. Sometimes I missed my yard and my privacy, but those were things I was willing to let go of for the view of downtown, the concierge, the pool and letting someone else worry about taking care of the grass, trees and the pool. I also learned how enriching life in a small close community can be, something I hadn´t seen while creating my new story.
Your life is your story. It is a manifestation of your values. If you love your story, live it to the fullest. If there are parts of your life that you find yourself whining about, change your story. Take some time to try on a new story. When you find the one that lights you up and makes you feel good, put yourself to sleep with it. When you wake up each morning, look for new doors that open to your new life, and let the Universe help you walk that new path. From there on, its just a matter of gratitude.